Humpty Dumpty and Stuff

NEAR MISS Humpty Dumpty sat on a tuffet And, yes, you are right! IT BELONGED TO MISS MUFFET!!!! Now Miss Muffet Was not at all pleased And whooooosh! Poor Humpty landed in trees! How Humpty sat quiet High in the trees Very, very quiet Hiding his knees Now Miss Muffet could not imagine What was taking Humpty so long - To climb down from the trees And make his way home “For crying out loud! I suppose it would be best To get my boots on And look for the pest!” When Humpty heard The big boots walking He was afraid But then he heard talking “Humpty! Where are you? Are you alright?” “Yes” said Humpty “Aaah! You gave me a fright!” “Haven't you been a pest All this day! Can't you learn To stay out of the way!!!” “Sorry” said Humpty “I have to confess I really did not know That I was such a pest” But meanwhile, he is thinking “What a lucky escape! I have just avoided A terrible fate!” Why was Humpty waiting For Miss Muffet, do you suppose? Why poor old Humpty Was intending to propose . . . Or It Could Have Gone Like This Humpty Dumpty say on a tuffet And yes, you are right . . . IT BELONGED TO MISS MUFFET!!! Old Humpty, you see, Had come to propose But he changed his mind When she broke his nose She smashed his nose Right through his face Poor Humpty was a mess He was all over the place Miss Muffet ran off And whipped up a custard She patched up poor Humpty Where he was busted ______________________________________________ Humpty Dumpty rolled down the hill. If it weren't for the bottom, He'd be tumbling still. STUFF Seagull Supper There was a seagull today, struggling with a fish It was, quite simply: too big a dish The fish comes up and nibbles seagull toes, The seagull goes down, and pecks its' nose. After a while, the battle is won The fish swims to shore and the feast is begun There is a short pause as some ducks swim by Mum and Dad and some small fry Two pelicans overhead are worth a quick check, Then straight back to stuffing seagull neck This is a strange thing, it has occurred to me: Why is a seagull alone without a brother or three? There are some around, but none are trying to steal Any part of this fishy, fishy meal. “I'M ON THE PHONE” They're storming the castle, they're swarming like flies Fasten your seatbelts, the kids have arrived They're breaking the china, they're making mistakes We're all having fun - Isn't it great!! “I'll see you tomorrow, or maybe next year, Nothing is certain when the kids are here.” “Hey! Don't run in here! Aah! They've run down Uncle Nick! Won't be too long, be back in a tick!” “Poor Nick . . . Like a lamb to the slaughter How long has it been? An hour and a quarter!” “Again!!! Pinch your nose Nick! Tighter, tighter - yes that's the trick Oh no, blood all over the place . . . I already told you kids not to race!” Bananas You get yella bananas from Louisiana You get green bananas from Nepal Now if you can't tell a banana from Louisiana Then I really can't help you at all. Spaghetti You can't eat Spaghetti without a fork Oh! Look at Johnny, he hasn't been taught! He has his head in his bowl His face is quite orange from brow to jowl Quick! Get a towel, I'll run a bath . . . Too late. He's wiped his face on his sleeve And his hands on his arse. LIFE Martin McKinnon was born a tailor, But work became his daily jailor. He thought “to be a sailor would be a fine thing. I'd like it much better, than being a King! I don't care if I sail far or near, As long as I get away from here!” So a Seaman's advice he sought About what to do he really ought The sailor said “I'll tell you to do what you oughta . . . Stay on dry land and keep out o' the water!” So the tailor sewed until he'd had enough Then he said “I'll sew not one more ear muff, For people that are already much deafer Than Dad's silly, little, old black heifer!” “The kind of people who do not hear what is said, They listen only to the noise in their head! Why should I care what a dither they're in? That kind of dither comes and goes on a whim.” Because he thought he might go far, He decided to take his old guitar. As he thought, he plucked a string, Then sang the words that came to him As he sang, people stopped to listen, And in their eyes their tears would glisten. In their heads, the noisy din Just went away, as they listened to him. Into their heads he put compassionate thoughts And awareness of the social arts, Of being in love and having faith And a little about saving grace. He sang of sadness, happiness, tears and laughter, And a lot about what happens after: You let your dream slip away Waiting for another day Play the note, sing the tune I'm hoping that you will do it soon The Nursing Home Old Mr. Fishwick Couldn't take any more So he just got up . . . And walked out the door. The door was wide open, Which was a mistake The baker had come in: With a very big cake! The Boss ran one way, The Sister ran the other. The Boss met Mr. Fishwick On route to Canada. She said to him gently “Why don't you stay for lunch? It is fresh fish - There will be another bus.” “But the bus! There is only one today! I have to get going! The plane won't wait!” “There is another bus at two” said the Boss “You are sure to make it! Come and have your fish. You've already paid for it.” “And you really should Ring your daughter, I don't think she is in Canada Because yesterday I saw her!” Mr. Fishwick nodded thoughtfully Yes, he would have fish. If you've already paid, It would be silly to miss. Walk by the Lake My dog found a bag Down by the lake. He killed it humanely With a vigorous shake. He trotted off proudly, Head and tail held high, The bag in his mouth Silhouetted by the sky He abandoned the bag For something with smell. A bag of 2-minute noodles Did him very well. So off we went With a rattle and shake Taking 2-minute noodles For our walk by the Lake.