Finding My Own Way...to happy & gay
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”I had little or no knowledge of same-sex attractions, apart from having read the rather depressing Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall (published in 1928). There were no websites, no manuals on how to be a good gay person. No nursery rhymes or Beano comics had given the slightest hint on how two girls or two boys could be together.
"There was neither a gay role model nor a guideline in sight. It was all seat of the pants stuff, winging it as I went. It was like being in some splendidly exiting free-fall, tinged with the god-awful fear that I may very well not like what I found when I landed.
”Because ours has not been a happy history of feathers and sunshine, laughter and chocolates. Indeed gay people have been persecuted since early Roman times through the twelfth-century and, of course, during the Spanish Inquisition. From 1150 to 1250 thousands of 'sodomites' were burned at the stake, laying the basis for anti-gay laws that were to last for centuries.
”And to top it all, says Wikipedia, ‘most literature of the 1930s, 40s, and early 50s presented lesbian life as tragedy, ending with either the suicide of the lesbian character or her conversion to heterosexuality’."
”No, if I knew what had gone before, and if there had been any choice in the matter, I would NOT have chosen to be gay. But looking back now, I wish I could have known I was gay right from very start. I would like not to have wasted all those years trying to sleep myself ‘straight.’ I would like not to have broken so many boys’ hearts. And most of all I wish that my family had been kinder to me.
Ah but then if wishes were horses then beggars would ride.
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About the Book
The book is an often amusing, often heart-breaking account of the coming out process for a lesbian in 60s South Africa. "The writer locates her life in the context of so much oppression, and the juxtaposition of the fear behind the apartheid laws, and how completely unthreatening her voice is, works powerfully," says Jennifer Cohen former New York literary agent.
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Six years ago I dropped off some LOTLs (a glossy mag for gay women published in Australia) at The Triangle Project in Cape Town, South Africa. I was chatting to then Director Vanessa Ludwig and she, as a young brown lesbian, asked what I, as an older white gay woman talked about with my friends.
She and her brown friends, it transpired, were very politically aware while me and my white friends were not. She asked what it was like coming 'out' in paternalistic, politically and racially charged South Africa when I was in my teens. And was fascinated to hear my stories. "Oh you really should come and give some talks to the younger lesbians here at the Project," she said, "we need to preserve our gay history ... give youngsters something good to read, something inspiring, something to make them feel that they are not alone and that it's okay to be gay."
I said, "Well it's a hell of a lot easier for gay girls today because there are clubs to meet up at, books to read, the Internet to trawl ... Google to ask, Facebook to find like-minded friends, and loads more."
"Oh sure there is," she replied, "but the problems/challenges you faced (how to tell your folks, when to confess to your friends, how much to tell your boss, etc, etc) are all exactly the same problems that young people still have to deal with today. It's pretty much the same circus... just in a different tent!"
The fear of living as an "out" gay person and the removal of homosexuality from history has deprived gay people of the recognition of large parts of their lives and their loves. By denying the existence of homosexuality, historians have routinely robbed gay people of an identity, of role models and of their rights.
A comment often made by people coming to terms with being gay is that they feel isolated ... the only gay person in the world. The distortion of the past and denial of homosexuality feeds this social and personal isolation. Without a 'history' gay people are denied a sense of self, a sense of worth and often feel they have no voice.
That is why I wrote this book... to give straight people a clearer picture of us gay people, to give gay people a sense of pride and to encourage acceptance of those who are different among us.
Should you be lucky enough to have a friend, a child, a sister, an aunt or a colleague who is gay this book answers many of the questions you'd never dare ask. And should you be on your way out of the closet and into the world be assured this book will keep you company all the way to being happy and gay!
About the Author
Barbara Castle had a varied career changing jobs almost every year since her first paid job began in 1965. Although she trained as a journalist her father insisted she start out on something ‘safe.’ And so she caught the bus to her first paid job, which was with the Cape Town City Council as a draughtsman.
But finally in 1983 she found her long overdue place in the business world ... as a writer. She worked for Reader’s Digest in offices around the world, wrote freelance for magazines & newspapers and had loads of fun as an advertising copywriter for 25 years.
Barbara is also gay and has been her whole life – perhaps not always terribly happy but certainly gay. Although due to fear, family pressure and work restrictions much of her life has been conducted from within the confines of the closet.
She married Sandy Farmer, the last and greatest love of her life, on 1st December 2006. Currently they’re living happily ever after in the rural town of Prince Albert in the Great Karoo, South Africa.