Unconditional Love:
Letters to An Adopted Son
by
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July 30, 1968 Dear Sam & Bev, Vol. II arrived this afternoon – after I had finished writing and had sealed my letter to you…. You surely are faced with a difficult choice and you will be forced to make it soon, either by conscious action or by default. It is painfully clear that there are good arguments on each side. Some of the overt arguments may not be the most important. I think I could pick either side and argue for it, but after all it is a decision you two must make. It is easy to understand that you Bev would, after almost a year since you saw your folks, be glad to be back in this country. And we know how eager your folks are to see you. And, Sam, I am interested in your reference to filial responsibility. Yet a few weeks ago you did not mention this when you had about decided to return to Evanston. This is a very important reason, even though it comes to the fore with the possibility of the NPC [National Productivity Council] opportunity. It is a real opportunity and one that would be open to very few persons, and which only a Singaporean can fill. You do have the skills needed and it is a job you can grow in. On the other hand, the job is not as yet fully in your grasp. But if you get it you could quickly get ahead financially. There would, on the other side of the debate, be a clear opening for you to return to the U.S. to work for the Ph.D., N.U. admission, job for Bev, opportunity for her to be near her folks, etc. You know the situation, we’d be glad to have you near by. Another factor which may have important bearing, though I am not sure in which direction: You have indicated that you may be having a baby, but we are not sure whether this is an indication of hope or that Bev is already pregnant. If you are, Bev, this will, in time, have bearing on your ability to hold a job and on the advantage of more income. Another factor: I am of the opinion that you should not give up the idea of earning a Ph.D. I still think that if you should be working in Singapore the degree from there would be more advantageous than from the U.S. And it probably would be as advantageous as from a U.S. school if you were to teach here. If you think in terms of ever working in Singapore you would do better to stay for at least two years than to leave in a year. To leave in one year would tend to leave a bad impression on our friends there, and the two-year stay would look better, less as though you were bitter or defeated, to some of your friends here. Two professors and two graduate students, when they learned you were coming back this summer said in effect “I wish he’d given it a good try before coming back.” Yet they and we have rather expected that soon or late, you would be returning for a long or shorter time. After two or certainly after three years you ought definitely return here for a longer or shorter time. But that is a matter you’ll need to decide in light of intermediate decisions. One possibility would seem to be to push ahead with your NPC application, checking immediately as to its viability. Work at that job for a year and a half or two years. Keeping alive academically, watching for a good thesis problem that would interest you, gathering interview and other data toward that end, perhaps taking some advanced work concurrently, a course at a time at U. of Singapore. Very possibly you would be allowed, even encouraged, to take some extra time to work toward the Ph.D. there, after you had become somewhat established in the job. In the meantime I think it would be wise to keep the channels to N.U. open. There will be increasing opportunities in U.S. universities and seminaries for Asian scholars on our faculties. Do not, in any event, give up the pattern of being bicultural. This is where you can make a big contribution on either side of the Pacific, whether in Sociology of Religion or Industrial Sociology. Do not, at least orally, make statements of complete, long term commitment to stay on either side of the Pacific. Bev has not only a desire but a right and a need to keep in touch, by more than letter with her folks. Just as Sam does with his. Well, these are some of my animadversions, written rather late last night, after company had gone, and rather early this A.M. before we take off for the cabin. We are anxious to get there and see what damage has been done and what has been stolen. Then yesterday afternoon when we went to the beach for a swim our car was broken into, the small right hand front window was pried open, damaging the doorframe in two places. Money, about $12 was taken from my purse which was left in the glove compartment, but my driver’s license and a gas credit card in the same purse were (very fortunately) left. Now we must take off for the east. You will be much in our thoughts and prayers. Please do not let my discussion of your decision-to-be influence in the least, either pro or con, unless it makes sense to you. We hope your decision whatever it may be, will be one that looks good to you six months and also two and more years from now. We both send our love and all good wishes, Dad
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Imagine an old man shifting through a pile of 260 letters that his American parents wrote him over a 30-year period, re-immersing in the love unconditionally and liberally showered on him and his family through the years, and listening to their silent yet animated voices from the past, you have the rationale for this collection of letters in your hands. Samuel Wong is that old man (age 79 at the time of this writing) and he wants the world to know his American parents, Murray and Dorothy Leiffer, the embodiment of unconditional love. Who were they? How did they become his American parents? What did they do for him and his family? What did they care about? These and other aspects of the lives of an extraordinary couple are shared through their own words. As you read them, you will be inspired by their testimony to grace and fidelity and be reminded of that which is true and honorable, civil and decent. Letter writing has become a vanishing art form. Other than official documents and perhaps exchanges between soldiers and their loved ones at home, letter writing has lost its unique role in contemporary communication. In a world of speed and haste, letter writing is too slow and laborious for the average man and woman. We want instantaneous responses. However, the fast exchanges are at the expense of reflection and rumination and whatever is written instantly is deleted practically instantly. They leave no trace and preclude the joy and chagrin of reading what one wrote in the past. These letters show what you miss in instant messaging. They might nudge you to add a new dimension to your life: write to someone you love and care about. Old-fashioned writing is timeless and priceless!