A Silence That Kills

A Silence That Kills The arguments at 41 Windy Ridge Road were becoming more regular. Twelve years ago, they were one of the happiest couples in the world. Today, their marriage was falling apart. ‘You know, Kim, we cannot even have a normal conversation any more. Everything turns into an argument. I think you really need to take some time off from work. In fact, I think you should just give up working.’ He said it with emotion for her to understand that they need more time with her. ‘For heaven’s sake, Ray, must it always be my fault? You are always the perfect one, and I should jump when you speak. Is that what you want? No, thank you Mr Johnson in case you did not know, women have rights too, or didn’t you know that?’ Even though her shouting made him sad, he was not going to give up. ‘My dear wife, if this is about rights, you can have all of it from inside this house. I think it is about the power you have at work. You are never available for us. Whenever you are at home, we should consider it a bonus.’ This statement triggered anger in Kim. ‘Are you listening to yourself, Ray? You are beginning to sound just like your father.’ ‘Oh, I do? At least I am doing something right. I only wish he could hear you saying that. He would have been so proud of me.’ ‘You are just another loser, Ray, just like him . . . maybe you feel insecure without him. Why don’t you go look for him? I did not tell him to run away from his family. Maybe you can join him wherever he is.’ ‘Kim, do not bring my father into this . . . I am warning you, I will not allow any person to speak like that about him, not even you.’ ‘Just get out of here,’ she interrupted. ‘Get the hell out and never come back.’ ‘What about my son? You think I will ever leave without him?’ ‘What about him? He will stay here with his mother, and I will fight you to see him.’ ‘Yes, he is your son, darling. He is only waiting for you to become a real mother. When is that going to happen?’ Neither of them saw him standing in the hallway. He heard every word they said. With big eyes, he stared at his parents, and sadness crept into his whole being. Nine years old, and most of these years he saw and heard his parents argue. Somehow, it made him strong with hope that circumstances would improve. Only this time, he could sense his father was really going to leave. He could feel it was not a threat anymore; he was leaving. The more he thought about that, the sadder he became. Suddenly, the tears started coming, and he ran to his room. They both heard the room door close, and they looked at one another. There was silence, and all they could do was to stare in the direction of the door. Ray was throbbing, and he wanted to shout at his wife. He lived only for that boy. Sensing the sorrow that his son must be feeling, his body started to tremble as his own thoughts started to trouble him. He moved quickly towards his son’s room, opened the door, and looked down at his sobbing face. ‘Son . . . I’m sorry. I am sorry because I did nothing to save you from this. I am sorry . . . I really wanted . . .’ ‘Dad,’ he interrupted, ‘I know everything, and you don’t have to explain.’ He could see the fear on the boy’s face and he started to tremble inside. ‘God please, help me with this’ he said silently. ‘Dad, are you really leaving us? I love you, Dad, and I know you love me too. You do not love my mom any more, do you?’ ‘Son . . .?’ If ever there were words that could sting Ray Johnson deep into his heart, they were the words just spoken by his son. ‘Dad, I know. I heard you saying that to her. I heard most of your arguments. I know everything . . . Please don’t leave us, Daddy . . . please!’ He was crying now. Seeing his son cry because of his parents’ conduct broke Ray Johnson to the core of his soul. Being trapped in a situation like this did not form part of the plans he had for his family. ‘Son, sometimes grown-ups will say stuff that they don’t really mean. We allow our anger to take control, and we become ugly. I know it is wrong, and I am so sorry that you had to hear it. So I’m saying sorry for making you cry.’ ‘Are you saying you are not leaving us, Daddy?’ The door opened with force, and they both looked towards it. ‘Ray, you’re upsetting my son. I want you to leave now!’ Kim was shouting and swinging her arms wildly and that was only adding fuel to the fire inside Ray. ‘This is what I am talking about. You are more worried about me leaving this house than you are about your son’s emotions, but do not worry. Go to your well-beloved work, and I will see that he is fine. You will never separate this boy from his father, woman, never!’ His anger got the better of him, and he threw up his arms and stormed out the door. He turned back suddenly, looked at his son, managed a smile, and said; ‘Son, Daddy’s got to go now, but I’ll see you later. Come here. Give your dad a hug.’ Through his tears, a smile formed on Jason’s face. ‘When I said I was leaving . . . I meant I was not going away, as in leaving, forever. Maybe I should try to find my father . . . your grandpa . . . Yes, I think I will take next week off and start looking for him.’ ‘I will help you find him, Dad,’ Jason said joyfully through his tears. “You will?” “Of course dad, when are going to start looking?” Ray Johnson knew the problem of his son. He was lonely and it depressed him even more.