The Hunter's Guide to Endangered Species with Selected Recipes

About the Book

Forget everything you thought you knew about Endangered Species! This satirical exposé reveals the personality and character defects that have led these dastardly animals to the edge of extinction, and will inspire you to continue to do your part to push them over the edge into a well-deserved oblivion -- and maximize your personal enjoyment as you do it. The book begins with a bold, revisionist look at the scientific evidence behind endangeredness. You will learn that, contrary to popular scientific opinion, these obnoxious creatures brought their plight on themselves through sociopathic behaviors, poor hygiene, a lack of personal responsibility and bad parenting skills. You’ll understand why it is so important – and personally rewarding – to do your part to help Nature do these species in, once and for all! Did you know that many endangered species can be found right in the middle of major metropolitan areas? Yep, some of America’s finest cities have built endangered species hunting preserves, called “zoos” – often right in the middle of downtown! You will learn how to hunt effectively, whether your quarry is found in the urban zoo environment or in one of our great national parks or a government-run endangered species breeding facility. You’ll learn the proper way to behave toward government wildlife biologists, who have done so much to open up hunting opportunities. You’ll get guidance on weaponry (from grenade launchers to high-tech harpoons); how to use wardrobe and accessories to camouflage yourself for the urban hunt (children come in really handy); how to use government documents (such as “Environmental Impact Statements”) to locate rare species in a development project near you; and many useful hunting safety tips to help you behave responsibly and safely as you bag the rarest of the rare. And best of all, you’ll learn how to use what you shoot, with guidance ranging from attractive trophy-mounting and gift-giving tips to some great tasty recipes (your guests will rave over your California Condor Soup or Blue Whale Blubber Pie). Round it out with a handy glossary of Endangered Species terms, and you have the Complete Guide to a great, socially responsible sport – hunting endangered species!

About the Author

The “Old Biologist” is a native of California and an endangered species himself. After failing the Postal Worker’s Personality Test, he became a free-lance biologist for hire, spending most of his professional life as an environmental consultant to a number of small, backward countries, some of “special interest” to the U.S. State Department. His work has taken him to sites around the world, where he has learned, first-hand, how to find, bag - and cook to perfection – some of the world’s rarest species. Following a number of threats on his life by the Least Bell’s Vireo crime syndicate, he decided not to use his real name on this publication.