HOW TO KICK REPUBLICAN BUTT!

About the Book

Liberals and Democrats will love this heavily-researched and often hilarious book! It explains how to beat Republicans, steal strategic issues, peel off GOP voter blocs, save Social Security, pick a president, and how Democrats can sweep elections. BUSH: Bush dances so well around the truth that rappers are ripping off his moves. It takes a strong man to admit he is wrong, and Bush is obviously not that man. Bush is responsible for enough disasters to qualify for scripture. He may not follow the Commandments, but he’s pretty good at the plagues. Why is Bush so weak? Because knowledge is power. Bush is a lame-duck – and for those speed-reading this, I said “duck” with a “d”. Bush talks as if Jerry lost one of his kids. Bush has gutted Clinton’s Clean Air Act so much we might as well call it the Republican Retirement Fund. Bush makes slow decisions because he first waits for the check to clear. Bush’s foreign policy is so retarded it needs a special bus. Bush finally won the war on poverty -- and the poor lost. If the dollar gets any weaker, Bush will have to peg it to the peso. America and Iraq fought a war, and Halliburton won. Bush hasn’t choked this much since his last pretzel. CHENEY/DELAY: Cheney’s speeches are so wooden that he attracts tree-huggers. His stump speech has given off so many death rattles that his speech writers want to embalm it. Cheney recently called the new Miss America unpatriotic-- apparently she wished for world peace. Cheney stoops so low he looks ready to crawl. Is it just me, or does Tom Delay look like a big, fat Adolf Hitler without the mustache? REPUBLICANS: With great power comes great responsibility -- unless you’re Republican. Republicans believe that if you enjoy sex, you are doing it wrong. American justice should be blind, but Republicans prefer her deaf and mute. Republicans believe that politics is only dirty if you do it right. Republicans love deficits like Clinton loves sex. The voter always wins -- unless Republicans have their way. The only time Republicans talk to blacks is when they challenge them at the polls. A Republican future is so bleak that their only approval numbers are coming from gothic fans. Republicans are backing off Social Security cuts so fast that they are practically moonwalking.

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