Still Life

About the Book

Once upon a time, a youngish woman, pretty, intelligent, and independent, listened to stories on the news of women being abused by their mates, and thought, “That could never happen to me!” As is often the case in this lifetime, such hubris did not go unpunished. Somehow, the woman fell in love with a desperate alcoholic, and began to understand how easy it is to fall into the habit of accepting abuse. Still Life recounts the woman’s journey, my journey, as honestly as could be done. In short episodic chapters, I have tried to bring to readers an understanding of what really happens in these “dysfunctional” relationships: the thoughts and feelings that I had, as well as the actions and reactions of myself and my mate. The early chapters of Still Life focus on the nature of alcoholism and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). In the introduction, readers are told what happens in the brains of people who suffer from PTSD, detailing symptoms and typical reactions. Using my mate as an example, I show that adult alcoholism can sometimes be related to a child’s untreated PTSD. Several chapters give examples of the typical nature abuse would take. In talking to other women and abuse councilors, I have come to believe these episodes are not unusual. (In writing these chapters, I tried not to omit how easily I could become abusive under the influence of alcohol, even though I did not drink. My weapon of choice happened to be words, an arena where an active alcoholic could not possibly compete.) The above mentioned chapters and others describe some aspects of the disease that most people do not witness. Many of the middle chapters in Still Life are about what happened to my mate and I, when I, or someone else, attempted to get the state involved with what was happening in my home. Readers will hopefully understand the reluctance of “victims” to contact authorities when they find out what happened to me, and to the man I loved, once I involved the police. Again, I am sure I am not alone in these experiences. The final chapters illustrate my decline into hopelessness. My mate’s chances of surviving alcoholism seemed slim and my own being was dying alongside him. I had become a shrew, and could barely stand myself. I had discovered things in my nature for which I had previously assumed I was too evolved. It is not a happy book, though I have made an effort throughout to remain optimistic. A belief in Divine Providence, and the faith that we are not always wise enough to understand our circumstances on a cosmic level, have brought me through a truly trying experience, and gifted me with what I know to be a truly exceptional book. I invite you to read Still Life and learn what I have learned.

About the Author

For more than a decade, HandMaid lived with an active alcoholic. After the experience, she became determined to be an advocate for families affected by the disease. Still Life is her first published book.