Keeping Kids in the Home and out of the System
Raising Law Abiding Children
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How would you define parent: If you google the term you will learn that a parent is a person who has a child; that a parent is something out of which something has developed; a parent is a mother or a father. Most parents easily meet this description and they feel that they have achieved the title of parent because a child developed as a result of them. However, a further review of the definition of parent provides the information that excludes some people from earning the full distinction of parent. The full definition of parent includes a person who raises a child. Raising a child is different from parenting a child. Raising a child is like any other job that you would begin. You should research the job description, talk to other employees to get the true picture, measure your knowledge, skills, and abilities with the job description and what other people doing the job say the position requires. Reading this book will provide you with the job description. One of the primary goals for writing this book was to assure that parents fully understand what it means to be a parent. Becoming a parent means you are fully and unapologetically caring for a child or children. It is important that parents understand what I mean when I say unapologetically caring for a child. This means that you are caring for your child in a manner that does not acknowledge or express regret and committed to raising a human being between the ages of 1 minute old to eighteen years old. I will never forget the parent who told me that her biggest regret was that she “did not close her legs [and suffocate her son] during delivery.” That is the ultimate form of regret. Raising a child is different from merely parenting a child. Parenting a child is limited to possessing the title and providing the bare minimum care; however, raising a child requires consistent, active, and tireless effort and engagement. Parenting is an adjective and as such, an action word. Not unlike prospective employees, prospective parents should research the job description prior to embarking on the job to determine if the job will be a win/win. Let’s look at the full job description of parent. Napoleon Bonapart’s famous sayings is “Give me good mothers and I shall give you a great nation. Give me good mothers and I shall give you a great nation. ~Napoleon Bonaparte Parents: The Givers of Life As I indicated before, Bonaparte only had the value of the mother half right, it is the parents that are the givers of life. There is a lot research on peer relationships and the importance of assuring that kids are socialized, hence the advent of the “play date.” Later research confirmed that not only should parents make sure that they socialize their kids to have friends, parents should also make sure that kids associate with prosocial peers. Many parents get on preschool waiting lists during the pregnancy because they want to make sure that their child is accepted in the best preschools so they will be socialized in the best environments. This is a great example of proactive thinking; however, it is my belief that the most important relationship that a child will have will be with his or her parents. The Parent and Child Relationship is the most critical relationship in the life of a child. Understanding this fact will be a better example of the skills of putting first things first. The parent-child relationship will determine, unequivocally, the outcome of the child. The parent and child relationship will determine whether a child will make it to adulthood successfully emotionally and physically. It is my belief that if parents truly understood how important they are to their child’s eventual success in life, they would take their role much more serious. I believe many parents appreciate their status as mother or father, but I don’t think they accept and acknowledge how critical it is for them to consciously, unequivocally, and without comprise accept their role as mother or father. Parents are the giver of life! Let that sink in for a moment. I mean really give thought to the fact that if it were not for the parents, the child would not have been conceived nor come into the world. Conception, in the event of a viable pregnancy, always means life will result. It does not matter whether the birth resulted from long time planning or poor planning, either way, two people are going to become parents. How a parent raises a child must not depend on how the child was conceived. Babies don’t decide, regulate, or schedule their birth. As my second oldest daughter reminds me every time I am resistant to granting her requests “I didn’t ask to be born!” Although my daughter provides a good example of parental manipulation, she actually makes a good point; it is only because of the intimate union between her dad and I that she was born. In spite of all the medical and fertility advances that have occurred throughout the ages, the fact remains that conception can only occur after a male sperm and female egg have come together and fertilization occurs. The owners of that sperm and egg are physically accountable for the birth of the child. I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge that there are circumstances that can occur that would result in forced conception. In those instances, the most responsible person carrying the sperm or the egg must make the best decision for the child. If the decision is made to raise the child, there must be a commitment to take full responsibility for raising the child and the means of conception must never be a factor in the efficiency of raising the child.
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About the Book
Studies have consistently concluded that many personality disorders and more serious mental disorders are believed to be the result of dysfunctional family relationships, and very often stem from the parent-child relationship. This makes sense, children initially learn important behaviors from their families of origin. For example, parents are the first ones to socialize their child so they can teach their children socialize and to say please and thank you, take turns, be patient etc. The primary purpose of this book is to assure that parents have the information they need to properly raise children who have the skills necessary to be successful adults and not end up in the Criminal Justice System. By the time youth end up in the juvenile justice system, it may be too late. They become labelled an offender or maybe even a predator. That label gives society the right to lock the youth up during which time they will be traumatized. Sometimes well-meaning, uninformed, and frustrated parents perpetuate their children entering the criminal justice system and even of child serving agencies such as social services. When parents are faced with children who are incorrigible, at-risk, or the parent is unable to care for the child due to their own personal problems, some parents will welcome the intervention of the criminal justice system for support. After their child has been taken into custody, I have had parents tell me, “you raise my child because I cannot do it.” Some parents believe that having access to a probation officer with a badge and powers of arrest, gives them the relief and respite they needed to address their child’s destructive behavior. My three decades of experience working with youth and parents in the criminal justice revealed that, in most cases, probation and social services intervention do not make youth better. Conversely for most youth, their experience with social services and probation departments has resulted in ongoing delinquency and the youth transitioning into the adult Criminal Justice System. However, good parenting is the gatekeeper to the criminal justice system.
About the Author
Dr. Lisa Hill spent three decades in the criminal justice system, where she served several hundred probation clients at the Alameda County Probation Department and the United States District Court, Northern District. Prior to her retirement in 2016, Dr. Hill served as superintendent of Camp Wilmont Sweeney, a residential program for high-risk, adjudicated adolescent boys. Dr. Hill has been a licensed marriage and family therapist for almost twenty years. Her clinical practice focuses on counseling system-involved youth and their parents or caretakers. Dr. Hill has been a certified parent educator for the past fifteen years, during which time she has trained hundreds of parents on how to discipline themselves in such a way to provide effective age-appropriate parenting strategies. Dr. Hill is an adjunct professor at California State University, Eastbay, in the Criminal Justice Department. She sees her work at the university as a succession plan to train emerging criminal justice professionals to enter the field with knowledge, compassion, and a high commitment to ethical standards. When Dr. Hill is not teaching and counseling, she enjoys spending time with her husband, children, and grandchildren.