Love Hurts

JOURNEY WITHOUT DESTINATION He is a huge part of my life–an important part of me, indeed–the one that always wants to hide from the world. He does not know; there is no place to hide! He never sleeps at night. He never wakes in the morning. He always listens to my favourite music, while he flies away to his segregation, where–he believes–nothing could touch him. Though, we are never apart, he wonders away-endlessly-to a world, where dreams and nightmares fashion the fabrics of life. Today, both of us steer at your beautiful face. You steer back on us–with your dreamy eyes–and engulf us with your sweet, misty smile. You looking at me, ignoring him. Maybe, because you don’t know him. I do. And I love him, maybe more than I love myself… You ask me, ‘how long will you love me?’ I answer with a sad wave on my lips, ‘as long, you let me love you.’ You are alive on my computer screen; never changing your mood, never stop smiling. Your mood keeps me on my toes all night. I bought a bottle of ‘Chinese whisky’, the day before. You were with me. You read the label and translated its meaning: ‘this beverage is good for the health’. I believed you. I am making love to my bottle, while we are floating between Heaven and Hell. At times, I feel you; another moment, I feel my whisky. Another instant, I feel nothing. Your smile never changes. My smile is like a hungry dog’s bark. I consume the whisky tonight, all of it! It provides me a cocktail of sadness, and joy. Diamond knives, words from your unpredictable mind, are still resting in my heart. I am not bleeding. My heart has dried out, a long time ago, and the deep wounds deny my confused soul, even my restless spirit. I close my eyes. A dream carries me to the higher skies, but my craving for you drives my soul back to a bottomless whole. I keep falling deeper and deeper, into the mist of darkness. Hot winds burn my body. I know, I am close to Hell. I want to scream, but my voice dies in the fall. The heat blinds my soul, and my spirit starts to melt. I have arrived to the home of nowhere. Its gates are wide open. Violent flames surround me. A female guard welcomes me at the entrance. She has an abnormal smile. Her perfect body spells desire, but her face reminds me of a confused alligator. That turns me off. Tick hair covers her head and it is uglier than a hanged man's cobalt-blue face. We shake hands. Her palm is soft like jelly. I want to run, but my legs have frozen to the ground. From a distance, I hear a swan singing her last song. Her voice cuts through my brain, as heavy clouds move over my memory cells. The swan sings softly, her voice fades into the murky distance, and the rising moon turns to a black ball. A dead light stretches on the Horizon, and my feet roots into the rocky grounds. The whisky pours into me freely, and I fall in love with it, again. We make love all night, and as the first lights are breaking the darkness, I lay unconscious on the floor from her sweetness. Whisky and women, they will never change! Me, and my other self will never change, either. It is time to wake up… I open my eyes. The rising sunrays smile at me from the wild outside. My face turns into a ragged mountain; small streams of tears run down my chin. They land on my chest. Some teardrops are hot, some are warm, and others are cold as ice. My body is shaking, overtaken by emotions. I am sitting in the shade of my own destiny. I am still looking into your eyes. My soul baths with delight. My spirit drinks from your youth. Nevertheless, my burnt heart stopes crumbling. Everything is so calm. I feel like I was a deep river, nearing the sea. I know I am tracing towards the end of my journey. The Ocean of Returns is nearby. I can hear the waves licking my imagination. A dead fish talks to me, and while I am drifting, I see your crystallised body in the shades of Reality. The dead swan’s song: “She is the One I always wanted!” hangs on a tree, in my widow. You are there, waiting for me. An ark angel directs my steps on the highways to Heaven, where I join my Mom. She is as beautiful as she has ever been! She kisses me, and I reborn. Her voice has a balsamic effect on my confused mind. While she lessens my pains, she tries to give me energy through her Love. I welcome her attention... My father unites with me on the way back to Reality. He is warm, and inclusive in Love. He hugs me, and we sing together, songs of forgotten dreams. His love is strong, and without borders. I feel to be alive again, as I carry myself towards the Light, into your beautiful eyes. You stay magnified on my computer screen. Your motionless lips ask, ‘How long can you be in love with me?’ I answer you, ‘As long I live.’ You ask me again, ’How long you think, you will live?’ I turned off the computer, and whispered into the empty air. ‘As long, you let me love you.’