Relationships Are Everything

About the Book

Relationships Are Everything: Enhancing Conversations the Change-Talk Way Exciting and creative ways to live more effectively with life challenges.

Everywhere in our existence… with our families, our health, at work, and in our communities we face countless unexpected challenges. Many of these come about suddenly and without warning, while others creep up on us slowly. Some of these challenges we are able to move through with relative ease. In the case of others however we find ourselves stuck. None of us are exempt from having to deal with difficulties and hurdles. All of us want to know how to deal with these more effectively and efficiently in our ever changing and increasingly complex world. This book will give you effective methods for coping with challenges so that you may move forward as opposed to sinking deeper into defeating and nonproductive mire. In other words, here is a book that will help you to live a more satisfied life no matter what difficulties are thrust upon you. Our approach invites people down an optimistic and resilient path by turning tragedy into challenge, encouraging movement forward and by appreciating strengths and resources. All of these are accomplished through collaboration and conversations with others. It is through our relationships that all things are possible.

In reviewing a variety of self help books we noticed that most focus on the individual and not on relationships. They tend to espouse a belief that if YOU change yourself and YOU put forth enough effort, YOU can overcome any problem or obstacle. Their emphasis is on coping as an individual matter. They tout ways to take care of yourself or to enhance your self-esteem which supposedly will lead to more self confidence. We would like to challenge this position of valuing the individual and singular effort over and above the value of what can happen when we connect with OTHERS. If we use the rich resources that are created when we collaborate with OTHERS, we will most surely increase our options and possibilities. We propose and support an alternative concept to self-esteem – “between esteem” which we define as “confidence in one’s relationships”. When one develops positive “between esteem” the ability to effectively negotiate the challenges in life is fortified. Most self-help books start with the basic presumption that individuals are flawed and as a result something or someone needs to be fixed. These negative views are immensely limiting and discouraging. Instead, our work is based upon the presumption that in fact much is right about all of us, and that when we work together with others we can find the resources for creating powerful changes. For all those who are tired of analyzing their deficiencies, worn out by revisiting the past and never feeling hopeful about dilemmas we offer The Change-Talk Way as a long awaited antidote.

Change-Talk is our way of identifying the vital practices of conversations leading to creating effective solutions. It punctuates “talk” as an exchange of ideas and “change” as the bringing forth of new possibilities. Change-Talk stresses making a difference through conversations with others. In our work we have found that Change-Talk practices have been effective in helping people to increase their satisfaction and contentment. Ultimately, once you have made The Change-Talk Way YOUR way you will reap the benefits of a more satisfied life filled with creative energy and enthusiasm. Think of this book as your journey into a life of expanded possibilities with those around you. We believe that the ways in which we think about our relationships as well as the conversations we choose to hold influence our successes. With this way of thinking and by using the tools in our approach you can transform fear and resistance into exhilaration and new options.

We invite you to consider ways to be more effective in your dealings with your cha

About the Author

Muriel and Wendy have enjoyed a creative and collaborative professional relationship for over ten years during which time they developed and refined their Change-Talk model. They have worked together in a variety of settings including workshops, conferences, organizations, professional education and numerous therapeutic contexts. Throughout their work, they noticed an excitement and appreciation for their methods. After repeated requests, they have drawn upon their rich experiences to put into writing their optimistic approach to developing more satisfying relationships. Muriel is a psychologist in private practice and Wendy is a clinician and educator in a Family Medicine residency program.