Full Circle

About the Book

She sinks down heavily into her favorite chair, crosses her legs, and sighs. Her wrinkled hands lay motionless against her faded blue sweat suit. She closes her eyes in hopes of escaping the loneliness that engulfs her. This is the first time in her 80 plus years that she has been absolutely alone. And it frightens her. She has lived with ten children and a growing number of grandchildren and great grandchildren. Prior to that, she lived with her sixteen siblings. Her second husband passed away a few years earlier; she misses his companionship and that of her children as well. She is suffering from Alzheimer’s. Her ability to rationalize and think things through has slowly diminished, and her short-term memory is almost nonexistent. All of her life she has embodied the image of a strong black woman; she has survived years of poverty, withstood ridicule and disappointments, and throughout it all, she has remained strong and never once blinked. This latest affliction, however, she can’t overcome, although God knows she has tried. This debilitating disease has inhibited and crippled her mind -–reminiscent of a three-way light bulb that has burned ever so brightly for years and then suddenly short circuits, leaving only the dimmest element of the bulb aglow. The progression of the disease has caused her to start down a path that completely belies her inborn strengths. Although some days are better than others, her life has suddenly changed from one of independence to one of dependence. She has stopped cooking, driving, and exercising – three of her favorite pastimes – and it all seems to have happened overnight. Although the disease has devastated her mind, it has not erased her defiant and aggressive attitude when challenged. She is unable to recall conversations and events that happened less than a minute or so before. Her children visit her daily, but she only remembers while they are in her presence. Her children were her lifeblood for most of her adult life, yet when the door closed behind them, she has no recollection they have been there. She can not even recall any portion of their conversation. In her tormented mind, she wonders why they no longer come to see her. She loves and needs her children more now than at any other time in her life. Her life has slowly changed into what has to be her darkest hours. She feels blessed that God has chosen to leave her long-term memory intact, which gives her some peace by allowing her to reconnect with the past. She enjoys her little jaunts down memory lane. They are therapeutic for both her mind and body. Even though her eyes are usually closed, her facial expressions give a vivid picture of her journey through the past. Happy times draw a slight smile, while sad or tragic events bring a furrowed brow. Anyone privileged to witness this silent reaction of her life’s memories would certainly be touched. This book attempts to follow that journey as she, with some help from her children and siblings, told it to this author – her son. It’s not necessarily written chronologically but rather as the thoughts came to her. This book spans a time that very few members of today’s generation can relate or understand. It was a time when caring and tough love were co-partners in raising well-adjusted and successful young adults. This book is a beautiful rendering of her story. The opening sets the scene, describing her deteriorating state, with compassion. At the same time, it pulls the reader into the history and the expectation of a compelling life story. The description of disciplinary actions toward her children is also a theme, that traces through the book with a raw and telling feel to it; how what we learn as children often carries over into adulthood. Yet, too, how we can manage to understand, eventually, other ways of being. Thank God that our redemption lies in all the ways

About the Author

The author spent most of his adolescent years on a small farm in Kansas. He attended college at Santa Ana Community College in California, the University of Maryland, and the University of Wichita. He also graduated from the National Academy of Law Enforcement. He is a veteran with twenty-three years in the U.S Marine Corps, which included a field commission for outstanding leadership during the Vietnam crisis. He attained the rank of Major prior to retiring in 1981. Edgar is also the author of “The Killing Table,” a very comprehensive and thorough book on the intricacies of playing a card game called “Bid Whist.