Without Shame

About the Book

Lotte is her given name. Tamar is the Hebrew name she adopts. It is the name of a common Israeli palm tree growing where water is sparse and known for its abundant sweet dates. But her Hebrew name, which affords her a small measure of belonging to her community, does not dispel a deeper sense of marginality. Her parents, German refugees who fled Germany before the onset of World War II and settled in Jerusalem, remain strangers in the Middle Eastern neighborhood where they live. They hold on to old customs, raise their child according to European standards and maintain a home like no other. Their small apartment also serves as warehouse, workshop and store for her father, a skilled carpenter who collects, repairs and sells discarded furniture and household goods. To an outsider the apartment may look like a bizarre treasure house. For Tamar it is a measure of her father’s longing for a past he tries to resurrect and a source of questions about the true identity of her parents. Tamar finds her way to a family she believes to be her own and forms a close friendship with Orli, daughter of her “adopted” parents. Among the adventures shared by the girls are playful sexual explorations, which lead Tamar to suspect that her sexual impulses are of a forbidden kind. Orli’s family leaves the neighborhood and the girls lose touch with each other for many years. Interpreting the move as a betrayal, a response to her aberration and a punishment, Tamar engages in her first episode of self-mutilation. She makes no substantial attempt to form new friendships and preoccupies herself writing fanciful stories and, to the chagrin of her teachers, rewrites familiar Bible tales to fit her perception of the world. During her adolescence Tamar becomes involved in a sexual affair with a mature woman and faces the undeniable truth about her sexual leanings. When the relationship ends, she slips into a depression, reverts to self-mutilation and believes that she can end her suffering by forcing her sexuality to fit the conventional mode. She marries and ignores the rumblings under the smooth surface of her denial. The marriage disintegrates when she and her husband are unable to resolve their infertility problems and Tamar finds an old friend who agrees to fulfill her desire for a child. Within a year of his first birthday the child demonstrates signs of a developmental disabilities, later to be diagnosed as childhood autism. As Tamar devotes all her energy raising her son and tries to unlock the mysteries of his mind, she comes closer to understanding her own. Tamar and Orli reunite after a separation of 20 years. Orli is married, is a mother of two and lives in relative luxury but cannot calm her restlessness. Her sexual orientation is not necessarily directed toward women but she has a specific longing for her lost childhood friend. The two women become lovers and undertake raising Tamar’s child together. They discover the language of music and dance as channels of communication with him and apply their methods to enhance the development of other autistic children. Like other spouses, their union has its rocky points- resurfacing of old wounds, mistrust, jealousy and competition for control- but seeking creative solutions to their problem, they succeed in creating a unique family and a productive professional partnership. Tamar continues to be troubled by the enigma of her parents’ identity. When her mother is stricken with a fatal illness, she reveals her secret to the daughter. It is not what Tamar had expected. The woman who calls herself her Mother is indeed her biological mother, but has other identity problems that have a direct impact on Tamar. Wresting with issues of her mother’s identity, her sexuality and her role as a mother, Tamar begins to come to terms with the essence of her being. The story takes place in Israel between the late 1940’s and the 70’s. A Jewish state is established, a bitter war ensues and t

About the Author

Daughter of Jerusalemites for several generations came to the USA to study for her doctoral degree doctoral in Psychology at Columbia University and her post-doctoral work at the Georgetown Family Center. She spent more than two decades working as school psychologist and Director of Psychological and Special Education Services in the Great Neck Public Schools, followed by 13 years of university teaching in the graduate Family Therapy program at Queens College, New York. Her private practice of over 20 years covers individual, groups and family psychotherapy. Community work, lecturing and leading group discussions on issues of mental health has always been an integral part her my work. Her publications include A Bridge Across the Jordan, The Friendship Between A Jewish Carpenter and the King of Jordan. Arcade Publishing. New York, 1997. Enlarging the Therapeutic Circle, Brunner/Mazel. New York, 1989. (With Robert Sherman and Yvonne Rountree). . .