An Open Approach to Living with Cancer

About the Book

An open approach to living with cancer This book is one family’s approach to living openly with terminal cancer. From the clear forthright letter from Tina to her friends announcing her illness to the emails that detail the family’s ups and downs throughout the year, this book shares it all and shows how one family not only coped with terminal illness, but lived life to the fullest. This is not a book about cancer; it is the actual emails and letters written throughout the terminal illness—ending with the minister’s eulogy and the family’s final tribute. It is shared that it might help others. The following article written by John Hammock first appeared in the fall 2003 edition of Dana Farber’s Newsletter, Side by Side My wife, Tina, was diagnosed with glioblastoma, a type of brain cancer, on April 19, 2002, at age 57. She explored many treatment options on her own but trusted her primary caregivers—her long-time physician, her surgeon, radiologist, and oncologist -- to shape the best plan. Within one year she had three brain surgeries, many radiation treatments, and several rounds of chemotherapy. She also participated in three clinical trials. Although she consulted with other cancer centers, she stayed with her team at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Brigham and Women’s Hospital, where she received excellent care and honest assessments of her condition. Tina died 13 months after her diagnosis. From the beginning she fought her cancer aggressively and decided to share the news of her battle with loved ones. After she sent a brief letter to our family and friends telling them the news, she and I began an ongoing e-mail letter updating them on her condition. This two-way correspondence not only allowed us to tell family and friends what she wanted and needed (or did not want, such as flowers) but also provided a way for her to keep up with others. E-mail became an important link, offering us feedback, encouragement, and support. The wonderful thing about e-mail during this difficult time was that our friends could read our messages when they were ready to handle the information and, likewise, we could read their messages when it was best for us. Tina wanted to know what was going on in other people’s lives, rather than dwell on her illness. She wanted to know how kids were doing, how jobs were faring, how people were enjoying themselves. She wanted to live as normally as possible. She was not in denial: she faced the truth early on, and spoke frankly about her tumor. But she did not want to spend her time talking about sickness and death. She wanted to talk about life—babies born, trips made, conversations held. Tina would always say grace at meal times, giving thanks for the day, her family, and those who were present. She remembered family members not present, and prayed for courage, strength, and peace: courage to face the cancer, the treatments, and the unknown; strength to continue to live in the moment, to enjoy life to its fullest; and peace in coping with the brutal reality of her brain tumor. Often these prayers were long. Throughout this ordeal our friends wanted to help. Except for the last two months of her life, the best thing friends could do was to keep doing the things they normally did. There were meetings and brunches with her women’s groups and colleagues at the Cambridge Friends School; walks and cups of tea with friends and family; hours of quilting as Tina finished two queen-sized quilts for our daughters; dinners out and short trips; and most of all, talks, and laughs, and just being together. After a stroke confined Tina to a wheelchair, she insisted that we go ahead with plans for a seder with our friends, and continued to attend services at our own church. She gave updates on her condition and thanked people for their support. Members of our congregation and our friends now say they felt privileged that Tina shared her story with them, and made them part of her journey.

About the Author

This book is one family’s approach to living openly with terminal cancer. From the clear forthright letter from Tina to her friends announcing her illness to the emails that detail the family’s ups and downs throughout the year, this book shares it all and shows how one family not only coped with terminal illness, but lived life to the fullest. This is not a book about cancer; it is the actual emails and letters written throughout the terminal illness—ending with the minister’s eulogy and the family’s final tribute. It is shared that it might help others.