Under the Influence

She missed her period. This had never happened before, and she was frantic. They were always so careful. Michael claimed he did not like using condoms because he was ‘allergic’ to not feeling all the sensations of going bare-back and wanted her to take the pills. Gabrielle did not like anything in her body that messed with her hormones. They decided on a compromise: less sex, and he must pull out before discharge. He grudgingly agreed. They tried to stick to the plan and used the Rhythm method to be extra careful during her most fertile times. But Gabrielle clearly remembers that he did not pull out in time during their last encounter. She went to the pharmacy downtown and bought a pregnancy kit. She didn’t want to do the test at home because her friend Maxine was pretty nosy. So she did it on her lunch break. With so many ladies in the office, no one would know who threw the box in the wastebasket. Customers occasionally use the staff restroom, and garbage accumulates in each bathroom. It could go undetected. Taking her handbag, Gabrielle went into the bathroom before going to the lunch room. She had chosen one of those kits with the plus and minus signs. As she anxiously awaited the process, she prayed that her lateness was due to her workload and the associated stress. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if she was pregnant. How would Michael react? She was twenty-six and wouldn’t mind settling down with a husband and child, but so far, it seems he wanted to wait until they were both old and gray. He was already in his thirties; what was he waiting for? They have been seeing each other secretly for two years, and some church members have started whispering. The talking point was the frequency of him taking her home at night alone. Some believed there was more to it than a pastor’s concern for his member. She also heard rumors of a liaison between Michael and the daughter of Deacon Thompson, a prominent church member. Gabrielle asked him about it one day. “Don’t believe everything you hear. The rumors are false. I only have eyes for you,” he told her. She believed him. He undressed her with his eyes every time she was at church. He seeks to find every excuse to take her home after night services. Having sex in his car became the norm. Gabrielle didn’t like it, but once he drove her home, he wanted sex with her. The only time she escaped his advances was during her period. There was one Sunday she could never forget. Every time the memory arose, she feared lightning would strike her dead. On this Sunday, he took her with him to visit another church where he was invited to preach. On their way home, she was incredulous when he stopped the car at a very secluded spot they had to pass and started to have sex with her. Despite her resistance, he had his way with her. No, he couldn’t possibly be seeing someone else and be acting like a sex-starved fool where she was concerned, she reasoned. Finally, the results! Positive. Gabrielle started panicking, throwing her hand in the air in despair. Instead of dumping the test in the garbage, she put it in her handbag, hoping against hope that it was wrong. She couldn’t stay in the bathroom without arousing suspicion, so she washed her face, touched up her makeup, and went to the lunch room. She was suddenly not hungry, but she ordered a bowl of soup and drank it mechanically, her thoughts racing in turmoil. What will Michael do? He’s a pastor; they were unmarried, and now she was pregnant. ‘But this could be a chance for us to get married sooner rather than later,’ she reasoned, feeling better at the thought. She could hardly wait for the day to be over so she could go home and call him from the secret of her bedroom. When Gabrielle called Michael’s home that evening, the phone was answered by a female whose voice she didn’t immediately recognize. “Who’s this?” she asked. “Sis Carmen. Can I take a message? Michael isn’t here at the moment.” “Tell him that sister O’Connor called, and he should call me back as soon as he gets this message. It’s crucial.” “Okay, Sis O’Connor. I will have him call you when he returns. Have a good evening.” As she hung up the phone, Gabrielle’s thoughts were chaotic, ‘Who is this Carmen?’ ‘What is she doing at Michael’s place at that hour?’ ‘And why is she answering his phone?’ ‘Where is he anyway?’ She paced her bedroom floor as the rumors swirled in her mind. She suddenly started feeling sick to her stomach. When the phone rang later that evening, she pounced on it. As Michael said ‘hello,’ the questions tumbled off her lips. “Who is sister Carmen, and why is she at your house and answering your phone? What is going on between you two?” “Calm down, Gabrielle, and lower your voice, please. Are you accusing me of something?” he replied. “I asked you, remember? You said ‘nothing’ when I asked what was happening between you and her. So why was she at your house this evening? And by the way, where were you?” “Please remember that I am a pastor; anyone can come to me for advice.” “So, she was there for advice, is that it? Don’t you have a church office for those things?” “Gabrielle, don’t be obtuse! That girl could be my daughter. What could I possibly be doing with her? Plus, I love you. You are the only woman I see who can help me in my ministry.” Feeling pacified, she dropped the subject. Realizing she had taken his response at face value, he asked, “I heard you called earlier. Carmen told me that it was urgent. She said that you sounded frantic on the phone.” She noticed the familiarity with which he spoke of Carmen but ignored it and said, “You and I need to talk.” “Aren’t we talking now?” “Yes, but I don’t want to discuss it over the phone. Can we meet tomorrow?” “Tomorrow is Bible Study, but I will ask Deacon Thompson to do it because this seems important to you.” “See you tomorrow then.” “See you tomorrow, my baby, and remember that I love you.” Not bothering to reply in kind, she said goodbye and hung up. Her lack of response to his declaration of love did not go unnoticed.