Small Town Secrets

Dad, you were my hero, my provider, the one man I trusted and loved unconditionally. You could build anything, fix anything-there was nothing you couldn't do in my eyes. You were perfect. Until that first time. You became my perpetrator, my rapist, my torturer. Mom, you were the one who was supposed to love me unconditionally, from birth to death. You were the one who was supposed to raise me, to love and to love me at all cost, but it seems you gave up on me, that you didn't find me lovable. You became an enabler of the worst kind! My life feels like one big lie! My heart feels like it is shattering all over again. It has taken me years to gain enough courage to stand up for me! If I don't, I now know for certain that nobody else will. This family you two have created is nothing like any other family I know. We lived under the same roof, we shared the same dinner table, and for many years, I thought our family life was great. But as I have heard other stories of real family life, I can only say we shared a house. For years, I have not lived, only existed. Sexual abuse is devastating! It pulls the rug out from under your worth.. It keeps you scared. It infiltrates nearly every area of your life, consciously and subconsciously. It creates in you such an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame. You feel worthless in every aspect of your life. Even as I sit here and write, I feel that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, that fear that my abusers will know I told our secrets. That fear vibrates within the confines of my stomach as the horrors of those days flash through my mind. I see the horrors, I taste the horrors, and I feel the horrific pain yet again...