Little Girl Lost

About the Book

Little Girl Lost; One Girl's Struggle Through Depression, Anxiety, and Loss is a candid and often times raw look into one girl’s life struggle with manic depression. It is an unsugared view into what life is really like, for someone who suffers from being bipolar. With all the highs and lows, Amy describes with descriptive clarity, just how daunting and suffocating life can be under this cloud. However, it gives those people who suffer from manic depression, hope of healing as well. I was so naive. I wish I would have been wise enough to see all the warnings, even if sometimes they were hard to see. Sometimes our heart speaks louder than our mind and we disregard the signals, regardless of how bright and bold they are. Some signs were hidden, but others were like neon signs, blaring in my face; I was completely blind to them. So, although I deeply regret some of my choices and desperately wish that I had made different ones, along my walk in life, if you alter one thing, everything else that follows subsequently changes too. I would never want a life without my girls or my husband. They are my saviors.

But as we all know, all too well, we cannot undo our mistakes and our wrongs. We just have to simply find a way to live with them. We have to make peace with our past and let the grief that was associated with the past completely go. Unfortunately for me though, this is where I falter the most. How can I possibly make peace with myself, when I know how foolish, selfish, and wrong I was? I can't.

There is no one more disappointed in me, than myself. There is no one who could ever hate me more than I already do. And this is what has led me on this journey of deep self-excavation and true evaluation. It is the itching need within me, to release my story, even if I have no audience to share it with, but me. It is the deep need within me; to be something more than what I have been allowed to be, be it my own restriction of myself or others. It is also the need within me, to set all these broken memories and salacious mistakes I’ve made, which I allow to control me and torment me...free. It is time to just let it all go, to fly away. It is time for me to bare my soul so that just maybe one day, I too can fly free like a bird. In my heart…this is all I long for. PEACE.

This is why I chose to be truly open and share my story. Not the sugared version with pretty frosting and beautiful candies. Not the one edited for my family and friends. Simply the truthful version. The ugly truth which I have kept neatly trapped inside. The one I try desperately to disguise. It panics and frightens me to open up my heart, to allow others to see my shortcomings. But I also recognize that it is essential that I begin my brutally blunt and unsugared view into my life, for me, if for no one else. I am hoping that through my words and my open heart, the clarity and the purpose which I seek in this life, will begin to unfold and unravel in such a way, that I shall have peace once again inside my soul. I don’t need a million dollars. I don’t need a prince to rescue me. I don’t need lavish gadgets and thingamabobs to make me happy. I don’t need expensive trips to escape to, to whisk me away into another land; I just need to let all these bruises and wounds inside of me heal. They have been festering inside of me for so long. So no matter how far I travel, in search for something new and fun; happiness will NEVER be attained until I heal what is inside of me. This my friend, is my way of doing that.

I have finally come to the realization, through this long journey of self-exploration and dissection, that no one can buy or give me this sense of peace; it can only be found inside of me, when I finally allow myself to be forgiven and to forgive those who have hurt me. However, to both forgive and to be forgiven, are very difficult things for me to do. Yet, at the same time, someday soon…I want to be OK again. I wish to reclaim m

About the Author

Amy Hoffman is a former second grade teacher and longtime professional photographer. She chose to leave her job as a teacher, to stay home and raise a family with her husband. While home, she opened her own photography studio. As a mother of three girls and a step daughter, she has dedicated her entire life to protecting them. Writing this memoir has fulfilled her lifelong goal of becoming a published writer. It is her goal, through her writings, that she provides a teaching tool, to find healing and solace, for those people who suffer from manic depression.