As you can imagine, coming out as a gay male can often times be a dramatic experience. But coming out while married and with children can be devastating to a family if done without extreme care and fore-thought.
If you or someone you love is going through this process, it is important to note that you are not alone and that there are ways to go through the ordeal while maintaining a healthy relationship with your family.
Men who find themselves at this cross road often feel very isolated, not knowing who they can turn to for help. As a result, they can make rash decisions that may have long term negative effects. Women, on the other hand, can find themselves confused, angry, ashamed and with very low self esteem. It is important for the man to acknowledge these emotions and to address each of them with compassion and understanding. This can be extremely difficult, especially if he is dealing with his own emotional turmoil. It is imperative, however, that both individuals step back from their own personal feelings and put their children’s needs first. By doing this, there is a greater chance they will come out of the transition a stronger, more resilient family unit.
Remember, being gay is not a choice. The choice we do have, however, is accepting who we are and, at the same time, maintaining a healthy relationship with those we love. This is our journey.
“I am a gay father of two and I’m about half way through the coming out process.
This book is an honest account of another family’s story and has been extremely
helpful for me to see things from my ex-wife’s and children’s point of view. The
author’s compassionate and understanding advice and insights have helped me
steer a better course over the last year. I’ve gone back and re-read some chapters
numerous times. I highly recommend this book to men, their wives and families!”
“I see Joel’s “coming out” life experience as extremely persuasive: speaking not only
to other gay men, still in the closet, who live on the brink; engaging in the continual
internal debate about whether, when and to whom to “come out.” But I also see
Joel’s life experience speaking to the straight community. He is after all, like them
in all other conventional respects, raises a family, attends church, and played it
straight for as long as he could. He is commendable in all things that our society
as a whole, values and rewards: honesty, hard work, compassion, and perhaps above
—Tom Kochman, Chicago
“I feel that I have gleaned so much from his rich and varied experiences. I know
that I have learned so many invaluable lessons just reading his manuscript. It is very
honest, raw, heartfelt and upfront. It speaks volumes to its gay readers and should
have exactly the same effect on any heterosexual reader who has a broad mind and
—RJ Palacios, Philippines
“I would like to thank the author for writing this book. I’ve never read anything
like this and, although I don’t know him personally, his story makes me think that
we all are not so different from each other. No matter where we come from, what
age we are, or from what creed, we all go through the same feelings and hurt at this
crossroad we all share.”
—Armand Grey, Philippines