Washertown: An American Masterpiece!

About the Book

WASHERTOWN: AN AMERICAN MASTERPIECE! is a book of humor—a fun and funny book. It is a story that is frequently a little bit “off center” (sometimes in both style as well as content), an autobiography of sorts that is at times rather “warped” or “twisted” (as perhaps is its author), and a book that is occasionally just plain irreverent. However, it is always entertaining. It lets you laugh (sometimes out loud); but it also allows you to learn things (and sometimes even wipe away a tear or two). In other words, WASHERTOWN is about life, yours as well as mine, and should lead therefore to your own “remembrance of things past”—mostly good stuff I hope. The events that WASHERTOWN presents really happened to me (or maybe I should say because of me). And the people and the places are real. Each “story” actually unfolded pretty much the way it is described. There may be some exaggeration or embellishment here and there, meaning for example that my kindygarden teacher (I always preferred that spelling) might not have been quite as mean as I say she was, and my first real love affair, which took place in second grade (really), may not have been quite as passionate as I like to think it was. And, to give you one more example, the YMCA camp counselor who talked to my buddies and me (“almost sixth graders”) about sex (i.e. about “playing” with ourselves too much and “doing” bad things to girls) probably wasn’t as “out of it” as I make him appear to be. Or maybe he was. Whatever. Just remember that what you will read about in WASHERTOWN really and truly happened. And by the way, when you get to the part about fourth grade, I want you to know that the teacher really was beautiful (just as beautiful as I say she is), and that I really was in love with her (for the whole year at least), and that I really did buy her a bottle of “Evening in Paris” perfume one Christmas a long time ago (although I found out later that she actually wore “White Shoulders”). I guess you can’t win them all. Washertown was (and is) a small town in Iowa (the great Midwest, “America’s Heartland”…or so we were taught). And it was a good place for a little kid to “begin,” as I indicated in the subtitle that appears on the book’s cover. And, as also stated on the cover, it had a lot to do with “how I got to be this way” (“this way” being perhaps a little perverse, and maybe somewhat “twisted,” as I suggested before, but a good person, nevertheless—at least mostly). Whatever. Washertown was a wonderful place to grow up, if indeed that’s what I did; and I think most people would say that I did (well…probably anyway). My childhood (and young adult years), i.e. the period of my basic personality formation (fractured as it may have been), my early mental development (somewhat skewed as it most likely was), and my good times and bad, all took place for the most part in the 1940s. And, just as Washertown was a good place to grow up in, the 1940s were good years to be doing it in. It was a time of family and friends, pride and patriotism, and faith, fear, and hope, all rolled into one. Given that these were the war years (World War II), all these persons, principles, and characteristics were simply a necessity. But keep in mind that these years, in spite of the clouds of war, constituted a time in our nation’s history when things nevertheless seemed much simpler—and also seemed to make more sense. Perhaps, therefore, you and I, reader and author, are very fortunate, and can find some real messages here, and then use them to help put this nation and ourselves on a better track. I hope so. I know for sure that fortunate indeed was the blonde-haired, blue-eyed, shy, and sort of skinny little boy who experienced all this and has now chosen to share it with you in WASHERTOWN: AN AMERICAN MASTERPIECE! So laugh with me, as we revisit some grade school teachers, sing “Over the River and Through the Woods,” and celebrate Christmas (even if you’re not a Christian…and in Washertown

About the Author

Author’s cover biography: Ernest Arlington Twain (obviously your author’s chosen pen name) was born and bred in the Midwest, from which part of this great nation of ours he acquired his somewhat conservative but at times rather liberal political views, his belief in God, his love of family and friends, his sense of humor (however “twisted” it may sometimes be), and a commitment to self-reliance and common sense. Somehow he managed to earn a Bachelor’s Degree, two Master’s Degrees, and a Ph.D. in psychology, which suggests of course that he spent entirely too much time in school. Of much greater importance is the pride he has regarding his two absolutely wonderful children (now adult) and their families. He currently resides in Scottsdale, Arizona, probably somewhat sun-damaged, but happy.