Time Served

You must remember, in this job there is a curiosity that can't describe as a Correctional Deputy / Officer. The inmates all have a story and some are just so lame and others make you say “what set them off, what made them do that, what the fuck were they thinking, why they would do something so horrid.” Over the years I've talked to so many inmates and asked myself these questions in my head as they just talk as if they did nothing. This is the guy or girl, man or lady, husband or wife standing next to you in Wal-Mart. They talk as if they did nothing. There are a few that are totally freaking out inside after the reality sits in and eats them up like a fucking cancer, others are so friggin high they have no understanding of what happened or what's going on, some just don't care because it's their way of life, a few will just admit to the crime as if it was valid, then the rest are playing the game. Yes it's called “I have psychological / mental disorders which caused me to commit the crime. How can a human become such an animal? Inmate David: He is in our custody awaiting trial for a murder charge committed in our county several years prior. He is already incarcerated as a state inmate serving a life sentence for murder. He was found guilty for murdering his wife and awaiting trial for murdering his cellmate in prison. So I've known this inmate for a few years and socialized with him many times. I look and listen to him knowing what he did but don't feel threatened but always realizing he has the potential to pop at any given moment. This guy has nothing to lose, he's already doing life with possibly a second life coming, pending this upcoming trial. He is classified as a high Risk inmate and kept locked down twenty-three hours a day. The other hour is for a shower, phone call opportunity and maybe some TV entertainment. Well this one day I was doing some rounds in the pods and met up with Inmate David on his hour out of cell. He greets me with a hello and approaches me asking how my day is going. We chat for a few shooting the shit and I ask how his case is going. He informs me it's going slow and he'll be here awhile. He rambles on about lawyers and court shit but I'm really not listening, I'm looking at this guy who killed two people and see nothing in his eyes. Eyes are everything when talking to these people who kill humans. I say humans because they don't care or feel for family, friends, children, elderly….. It doesn't matter, it just happens as they snap at the given moment. I come out of my thoughts and realize I haven't heard a word. He's looking at me for an answer of which I don't know the question. I shrug my shoulders and answer I don't know but what's your story. I know you're doing life and I just can't imagine that from my perspective. His eyes look at me and he smirks saying “oh well, I did what I did.” I reply by saying “I know you killed someone but that's all I know”. He immediately with no hesitation starts by saying; I killed my wife because I caught the bitch fucking around on me. I reply “really, that was it?” He continues, yeah I came home from work and caught the bitch with some dude in bed with my ole lady and kicked the shit out of him and threw him out of the house. Then I beat the shit out of her until she was dead. I sat in the kitchen and got drunk for a while and ran out of beer. After a little while I started cutting her body up and putting her parts into trash bags, then put the trash bags into my trunk. I drove my car around looking for a place to dump her while still drinking while driving. I decided to throw her off the bridge into the water so I drove to this long bridge and got pulled over by the cops for weaving. The cop came up to my window and asked for my license and insurance. He realized I was fucked up and opened my door as he told me to get out. He had me lean back on the front fender and asked to search my car. He seen the empty beer cans and asked to look in the trunk, I knew I was caught and screwed. (He was now smiling and laughing at this time of our conversation) He said to me, “yeah, no problem.” He was looking at me saying he knew it was all over because he was drunk and never got a chance to throw the bags into the water. Inmate David said, “You should have seen his face….. The next thing I knew I had a gun pointed at my face and then my face planted to the ground. The next thing I realized I had a ton of cops there all wanting to look in the trunk. Game over. I was looking at this guy in total disbelief. How could he do this morbid murder and then chop her up with no problem and still smirk while keeping his composure. Is he enhancing his story to get a reaction? I don't think so, it's his story and my issue with accepting his deranged illness. The conversation continues as I ask him then what's the deal with this charge and coming back here? I let him know I'm not prying and he doesn't have to talk but I also let him know that it's hard for me to understand his actions and why he couldn't just walk away. I also tell him I don't want to get caught up in his case which anything he tells me I am subject to being pulled into court. Now this guy/murderer has no problem going on with his shit. He tells me he was doing life in prison and he had a fairly new cell mate who one day happened to start talking in a bragging way about his case. Inmate David now showed a display of a deranged killer, it was the eyes again. Inmate David said this fuckin piece of shit started telling me how he sexually raped this young girl and then killed her, well Inmate David said, “well on this day it happened to be my little girls birthday”, so I beat the shit out of him and then crushed his head on the cell floor. I knocked him down on the floor and just continued to slam his head to the floor until he could feel his skull in pieces. I was floored and unresponsive. I looked at him as if he was there at that moment. Inmate David was living it right then. He looked at me and he knew I knew. I was lost for words, I said I couldn't imagine doing that but I'm not him or in his shoes. It was like he snapped back out of this deranged moment in time. He looked at me and said, “He was a piece of shit and deserved it.” What's two life sentences? Inmate David informed me he has no problem admitting to anything he did and has no problem dealing with his crime. He told me he only wishes for one thing to come his way, “give me the death sentence.” I don't want to live like this.