The Curse of Invisible Diseases

......This wasn't like the last time or the time before that. This time, I didn't want to do it. I felt as if I was being forced to do it. I had to I had no other option, and I was being compelled to by some unnatural entity. There weren't any voices in my head just my own solitary echo: "You have to do it, and you have to make sure you do it right this time!" I gathered up the plethora of instruments I had amassed on the kitchen worktop-bread knife, carving knife, Leatherman multi-tool, Stanley knife, and several spare blades. I scooped them up and headed for the garden. I had two hours before Jane came got home from work and found my bloody corpse next to our children's trampoline. I'd scribbled a very brief note and left it by the front door: "Don't go to the garden. Call the police" I felt as if I didn't need to write any more. She'd already read my previous notes I'd left and so was all to familiar with what I was about to undertake. As I shut the door behind me, Tess, my beloved German Shepherd, tilted her head to the side quizzically. She'd hear the clink and chink as I collected up my arsenal and she followed me loyally to the door. I looked at Tess; she looked at me. I could feel the tears burning their way from my very soul and out through my eyes, racing down my cheeks like forging rivers. I don't want to do this Tessie, but Daddy's got to go. He just hurts people by being here.............. "AGAIN", my voice bellowed in my head. In anger, I pushed the blade down as hard as I could this time and drew it across my neck once more, almost as a protest against the voice that was forcing me to perform this act of selfishness. I felt a much stronger burning sensation this time, I dropped to my knees in readiness, waiting for the spurting to commence...................