Land of 10,000 Aches
A History of Minnesota Meltdowns
by
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Have you ever tied a rope around the back of a car, tied the other end around your testicles and had your heart ripped out through your groin? Willingly? That is what it is like to be a fan of Minnesota sports. The good news is that after you do that literally hundreds and hundreds of times, you eventually become numb to the pain. Numb enough to continue to root for a team that has lost four Super Bowls and six NFC Championship games, a team that has lost an MLB-record 16 straight postseason games, a team that was eliminated from the first round of the NBA playoffs seven consecutive years despite having one of the best players in the league, and a team that doesn't have any professional championships despite the moniker "The State of Hockey". Don't get me wrong: there have definitely been some feel-good moments. But that's how they keep their hooks in you. For every Minneapolis Miracle, there is a Josh McCown-to-Nate Poole and Roger Staubach-to-Drew Pearson. For every Andrew Brunette overtime winner, there is a Ron Schock and Magnus Paajarvi series ender. For every Andy McPhail there is a Bill Smith and David Kahn. For every Kevin Garnett, there is a Derrick Williams and Jonny Flynn. For every Joe Nathan robbery, there is a Herschel Walker and Brandon Roy. And the list goes on and on and on and on. Minnesota fans have endured everything: last-second losses, historically bad teams, draft busts, missed calls, terrible trades, disappointing playoff runs, under-qualified front office staff and coaches and untimely injuries. Yet, this fan base stays loyal. Even when their team sets the NFL record for points scored and fails to make the Super Bowl. Even when their team sets a the major league record for most home runs hit in a season but gets swept out of the playoffs. Even when their collegiate sports programs go through scandal after scandal after scandal after scandal. People may say I was born under a lucky star: Spring Training 1987. And while I have technically lived through two Minnesota championships, I have always longed to know what it is like to see my team's confetti fall from the rafters. "The greatest things to happen to me are my marriage, my kids, and winning the World Series…and not in that order.” said my Chicago Cubs fan after they won their World Series. "It feels like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders," said my St. Louis Blues fan after their Stanley Cup Finals win in 2019. "NICK FOLES IS THE GREATEST QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME!” screamed my former Philadelphia Eagles friend as I threw him out of my house during Super Bowl XLII. While this book doesn't have all 10,000 heartbreaks in it, it does chronicle some of the worst Minnesota sports moments of all-time. WARNING: If you're having a good day, I wouldn't read this book...
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About the Book
Professional sports returned to Minnesota in 1961, a year after one of the most successful pro sports franchises left Minneapolis for Los Angeles in 1960. Since then, a history of last-second losses, historically bad teams, draft busts, missed calls, terrible trades, disappointing playoff runs, blown leads, under-qualified front office staff and coaches and untimely injuries. Yet, this fan base stays loyal. For some reason. 'Land of 10,000 Aches' goes deeper into the most heart-breaking, gut-wrenching, soul-crushing, even-I-could-make-that-field-goal moments in Minnesota sports history with first-hand accounts from players, coaches and fans. Everybody remembers where they were for the good things: the Minneapolis Miracle, Kirby Puckett's Game Six home run. But were you face down in disbelief when Garrett Hartley kicked the Saints to the Super Bowl? Or forced into an emotional fetal position watching the Eagles hang 38 unanswered points on the NFL's best defense? Until names like Sal Bando, Ron Schock, Claude Osteen, Ed Thorp, Gordie Peterkin and Sergei Krivokrasov make your stomach turn, you have a long drop into the doldrums of Minnesota melancholy. This book is your guide down.
About the Author
Zeke Fuhrman has had a love-hate relationship with Minnesota sports since he was born at the end of Spring Training in 1987. While he was technically alive for two Twins World Series championships, he doesn't remember much about them, let alone the pure elation that happens when your team wins a championship. He doesn't know anything about that. You can hear Zeke on the radio in west central Minnesota, waking up Lakes Country on Wave 104.1 then hosting the KDLM Sports Wrap on the iconic 1340 KDLM. Follow him on Twitter @JustTheRadioGuy. He lives in Detroit Lakes with his wife and two kids. No, he didn't go to high school with Adam Thielen. Yes, this is his first book.