Along Came Hell, or So I Thought

Chapter One That January evening, I had been completely unaware of the events being set into motion when I had responded to a simple telephone request from our younger son. “Mom, would you ask Dad to come over for a few minutes?” Ed grabbed his jacket and headed out the door to James’ house a few miles away. After he left, I washed the dinner dishes then settled down with a crossword puzzle. Within an hour Ed returned. “All the kids are on their way over.“ he told me. Puzzled, I questioned, “All? Alan and Marie, too?” “There is something we have to discuss.” With those words, an alarm sounded in my head. It is Thursday night—not the weekend. Why did Alan and Marie come to town unannounced? They live two hours away. What’s going on? Along with the sounding alarm came both a sinking feeling and an epiphany. I knew what was about to happen. All the confusion, all the concerns, and all the fears I had tried justifying during the past years had not been unfounded. I would soon learn the truth. Instead of looking at my husband, I stared at my incomplete puzzle and quietly asked, “How bad is it?” “It could be worse,” was his simple, almost whispered, reply. That evening’s events are so clearly etched onto my mind I can’t remove them. Over and over again they play. My older son Alan’s first words broke the smothering silence filling our living room. Looking directly into his dad’s eyes, he spoke with such simple words and casual voice that nothing hinted at the bomb my husband was about to drop. “Dad, I think you have something to tell us.” With that simple announcement, the searing heat of hell along with the icy, deadly grip of winter entered my body. If I hadn’t sensed the coming doom, I would have thought my husband would announce winning the lottery, coming out of retirement, or embarking on a new camping adventure, but I knew, I instinctively knew, what we faced. I had no doubt. “I have inappropriately touched the granddaughters,” his emotionless voice stated. With my husband’s confession of inappropriate touching hanging in the air, my mind began spinning. Inappropriate touching… our granddaughters! I knew it. I knew it. I couldn’t bring myself to look at my husband, so instead I looked instead at my three kids and a daughter-in-law seated around our once-laughter-filled living room. They weren’t children any more. They had grown up. Michelle, a teacher, dressed as if she had come directly from her third-grade classroom, sat cross-legged on the floor and showed no visible emotions. Alan and his wife Marie sat comfortably cuddled together on one sofa. James, also in his teaching clothes, sat stiffly next to me on another. I finally dared to look at my husband as he sat slumped on the raised fireplace hearth facing us all. His wire rimmed glasses, balding head and gray beard revealed his age. He, like our offspring, had grown older. Uncomfortable with that thought, I shifted my gaze from his face to my hands. Seeing their age-spots and obvious veins, I suddenly felt old. A stray white hair on my shirt sleeve confirmed my feeling. The strand whispered, “You are old too,”. Yes, I silently agreed as I plucked it off, dropped it, watched it settle onto the floor next to a cracker crumb and thought, I should have vacuumed this week. While my heart raced and blood roared in my ears, my stomach churned and bile filled my throat until I thought my recently eaten dinner would spew across the room. Then, while my mind focused on all the confusion, concerns, and fears I had attempted to justify in past years, I realized the truth was finally out. My gut had been right. ...Time ground to a halt. Although time seemed to stand still, the next hour raced past. All that remains is a mish-mash of words, emotions, and a cacophony of sounds. Who spoke what and when? I don’t remember, but some parts of the conversation will remain with me forever. Marie spoke first. That surprised me. She usually listened during conversations involving multiple people, then asked questions or made comments later. Not this night. She immediately jumped right in Marie (Alan’s wife): “Inappropriate doesn’t tell us anything. You have to take ownership of what you did.” Ed (my husband): “I don’t need to go into detail, do I? Ed: “ I’ll buy some books to help me.” Me: “You don’t read the books you do buy. Books won’t help.” Alan, our oldest: “Dad, you have to step down as church council president as well as from your other organizational leadership positions. You are no longer spiritually qualified to be a leader.” Ed: “I am in charge of an important meeting on the other side of the state next month. I’ll step down after that.” Alan: “No, Dad, you have to step down immediately!” Ed: ”But…” Alan: “No, Dad.” Ed, in a panic: “I… I... I could be in very big trouble.” Alan: “Yes, Dad, very big trouble.” Ed: “I didn’t hurt the girls. They liked it.” James, our youngest: “No, Dad, you liked it. Chris (his wife) and her mom are going to the Sheriff’s Office in the morning to make a report.” He then stood up, pointed a finger at his dad, and almost shouted, “YOU RUINED MY DAUGHTER!” With that statement he left the house without a stamped foot or slammed door. Although he had left silently, his obvious anger still rang in my ears. Thankfully he had a meeting at school. Following a short pause, Marie spoke up once again, “Papa, let me tell you what it was like when I was that little girl….